happy birthday to my favorite guy!

happy birthday daddy!
xoxo mjm

as young as i am old

last week i saw:
depeche mode
josh english
gameface (insanely good! covered jawbreaker's "ache")
errortype:11 (wished i could rewind to 1999 brownie's show, when life was simpler.)
doomriders

can't remember the last time i watched that many bands in a week.

wasn't going to go to saturday's show. was afraid to see ex "friends". but my boy mark had driven down with two people from buffalo for the show. hung out with them before doors opened. figured if i hung with them i could just ignore the idiotic people who would inevitably be at the show. decided at the last minute that i would bite the bullet and go see two of my favorite bands, gameface and errortype:11, reunite.

my fears about people being petty weren't unfounded.

at 30+ years old one would think adults would at least say hi to someone they hung out with for years, but i guess that's asking too much...

people need to grow the fuck up.

that being said i am completely proud of myself that i faced my fears and went. show was definitely worth the awkwardness.

after all these years i am still in awe of my friend arthur shepherd. he hugged me and said that he was glad to see me and that was all that mattered. and you know what? it was.

"dream dreams and write them..."

i've always had very vivid dreams. the kind where you wake up and it takes about ten minutes to shake off the feeling that you didn't really win the lottery, make out with your junior high crush, crash a car...

since about march i haven't been having dreams. i know that i've had them, but not ones i can remember. this happened after a really realistic dream in which the end result came true in real life a couple months later. precognition? psychic event? maybe, but i'm a born skeptic.

last night i had a dream that it was my birthday:

to dream about your birthday, denotes acceptance of yourself. You are celebrating who you are and coming to terms with who you are as a person.

dream dreams and write them, aye, but live them first.-s.e.m.

my date with dave.

after a BMG membership obtained under a fake name to get DM cassette tapes.
after some gay guy came up to me at heaven and hell's 80's night in dc when i was 21 to tell me: "your tattoo is very depeche mode-esque!"
after tons of conversations in high school about various videos of theirs...

tonight...it's on! one of my favorite bands ever. finally will see them live.

"i grew up in a house with the television always on"

you can never go home again.
truer words were never uttered.

at my best friend's baby's christening party we lied to a 2 year old who couldn't understand why the tv wasn't on.
"cause we're hanging out talking!"
"cause it's a party!"
when those weren't accepted we resorted to:
"it's broken!"

thought how sad that even at 2 a child was so used to being plopped in front of the television instead of playing or being outdoors and just enjoying childhood.

yes, i watched A LOT of tv as a kid, but most of my memories are of riding bikes, playing basketball, pulling pranks, drawing on the sidewalk with chalk, tv tag...

syracuse doesn't feel like home anymore, but neither does ny. i get lost and frustrated on a regular basis here.

the other week when i was overtired and frustrated and lost, decided that maybe i have never wanted this city to be home, since i probably would have made a concerted effort to learn my way around.

is anyone else wandering around these streets directionally challenged and perpetually aggravated at themselves after 4.5 years of residency? my gut says no.