decade of decadence.

me and my old dc crew when i was 21.

people keep doing "best of decade" album lists.
here's my stab at one courtesy of itunes play count...

alkaline trio "crimson": didn't even pay any attention to this band til maybe 4 years ago. as with most things that i hear a ton of "hype" regarding, i'd written them off. went to see them live with a friend who didn't have someone to go with. they won me over.

brand new "the devil and god are raging inside me": met the band before they had a demo through one of my oldest friends. saw them play to maybe 30 people at a community center in my hometown, then years later to a packed house at madison square garden. this album was years in the making. to me it was worth the wait.

to be continued...

my standard break from life.

spent my birthday/thanksgiving on oahu.
happy birthday today to my girl erika, who made that trip possible!

this time last year...

i haven't written on this thing in a long, long, long time.

10 days before i turn 31.
3 days before i fly to hawaii to see erika and matt.

last year i had a party at a tiki bar.
this year i'll be drinking REAL tiki drinks in hawaii!
photos will follow...

happy birthday to my favorite guy!

happy birthday daddy!
xoxo mjm

as young as i am old

last week i saw:
depeche mode
josh english
gameface (insanely good! covered jawbreaker's "ache")
errortype:11 (wished i could rewind to 1999 brownie's show, when life was simpler.)
doomriders

can't remember the last time i watched that many bands in a week.

wasn't going to go to saturday's show. was afraid to see ex "friends". but my boy mark had driven down with two people from buffalo for the show. hung out with them before doors opened. figured if i hung with them i could just ignore the idiotic people who would inevitably be at the show. decided at the last minute that i would bite the bullet and go see two of my favorite bands, gameface and errortype:11, reunite.

my fears about people being petty weren't unfounded.

at 30+ years old one would think adults would at least say hi to someone they hung out with for years, but i guess that's asking too much...

people need to grow the fuck up.

that being said i am completely proud of myself that i faced my fears and went. show was definitely worth the awkwardness.

after all these years i am still in awe of my friend arthur shepherd. he hugged me and said that he was glad to see me and that was all that mattered. and you know what? it was.

"dream dreams and write them..."

i've always had very vivid dreams. the kind where you wake up and it takes about ten minutes to shake off the feeling that you didn't really win the lottery, make out with your junior high crush, crash a car...

since about march i haven't been having dreams. i know that i've had them, but not ones i can remember. this happened after a really realistic dream in which the end result came true in real life a couple months later. precognition? psychic event? maybe, but i'm a born skeptic.

last night i had a dream that it was my birthday:

to dream about your birthday, denotes acceptance of yourself. You are celebrating who you are and coming to terms with who you are as a person.

dream dreams and write them, aye, but live them first.-s.e.m.

my date with dave.

after a BMG membership obtained under a fake name to get DM cassette tapes.
after some gay guy came up to me at heaven and hell's 80's night in dc when i was 21 to tell me: "your tattoo is very depeche mode-esque!"
after tons of conversations in high school about various videos of theirs...

tonight...it's on! one of my favorite bands ever. finally will see them live.

"i grew up in a house with the television always on"

you can never go home again.
truer words were never uttered.

at my best friend's baby's christening party we lied to a 2 year old who couldn't understand why the tv wasn't on.
"cause we're hanging out talking!"
"cause it's a party!"
when those weren't accepted we resorted to:
"it's broken!"

thought how sad that even at 2 a child was so used to being plopped in front of the television instead of playing or being outdoors and just enjoying childhood.

yes, i watched A LOT of tv as a kid, but most of my memories are of riding bikes, playing basketball, pulling pranks, drawing on the sidewalk with chalk, tv tag...

syracuse doesn't feel like home anymore, but neither does ny. i get lost and frustrated on a regular basis here.

the other week when i was overtired and frustrated and lost, decided that maybe i have never wanted this city to be home, since i probably would have made a concerted effort to learn my way around.

is anyone else wandering around these streets directionally challenged and perpetually aggravated at themselves after 4.5 years of residency? my gut says no.

how far is goodbye?

one year gone.

truth.

sometimes i really love my industry...

...to me this is advertising done right.

hit me with your best shot...

aloha!

yesterday i was inexplicably sad. in trying to figure out why i realized that i hadn't actually spoken to my friend erika before she and matt left yesterday morning to live in hawaii for a year.

very proud of them that they got out of boston, if only for a year, before getting married. really thought matty was one of those boston dudes who would never, ever leave. glad they are out adventuring before settling down and entering the next stage of life.

forcing myself to save $$$ to go visit them in hawaii. cause when will i have the chance to stay there for free again? probably never. plus i know a couple friends from home who live there on another island.

8:36.

the only thing that got me through a day of miserable allergies and feeling like i'd been run over by a train:
my "brotherhood" box set of dvds had arrived from amazon.

congrats.

today i am very, very proud of the most important person in my life.

Slán agus beannacht leat.

worse than the ordinary miserable childhood
is the miserable Irish childhood.

once upon a time i moved in with my father and my sister after my stepmom passed away. there was a sense of normalcy missing in the house, which i tried my best to provide. it's hard playing "mom" to a 16 year old when you are only 8 years older. but i did my best.

a teenager does not want to hang out with her dad instead of her friends. dads are not "cool" when you are in high school. parents just don't understand. when living with my dad and sister, i made forced family nights. usually tried to pick out a movie to watch that all three of us would be entertained by. since my dad only enjoys history, documentary and war genres, that left little common ground. my sister and i were heavily into the first season of "The O.C." at this time. our father would yell at us that it was rotting our brains, to watch something educational.

"angela's ashes" was my selection at blockbuster one night. i figured that it would make my dad nostalgic for the years he spent in ireland during elementary school.

you see, my grandfather was basically a stalker, from the stories i have heard. well, not really, but he did follow my grandmother across an ocean, even though they weren't even dating at the time. they met at a country dance in rural county clare, ireland. grandma already planned to move to the states, where her sister lived. she really didn't pay this guy jack any mind. then after she moved he started writing her letters and followed her over the ocean to upstate ny.

they dated, married, had my dad, my aunt and my uncle sean. grandpa always liked ireland better. he was typical stubborn old-school irish male. told her to pack up the kids, they were moving back to ireland.

my dad went to kindergarden at a catholic school, (there were no other kind.), in the southwest of ireland. he had already acquired an american accent, which gained the wrath of the irish schoolchildren who picked on him. called him "the yank". the nuns made an example out of him, beat him with rulers. dad told me that he remembers peeing his pants one day cause he was so nervous and scared.

grandma eventually decided enough was enough. she'd had a taste of a better life in america. packed up the kids, the house and announced they were moving back. jack, being the stubborn guy he was, thought he hadn't gotten a chance to make a go of it back in ireland. peggy moved back with the kids alone. a month later jack followed.

"the whole family would've starved if jack tried to keep going as a farmer back then!" was the official report i got from gram's brother-in-law during my first visit to ireland, after both my grandparents had died.

renting "angela's ashes" did not bring back fond memories for my father of part of a childhood spent in the motherland. instead, my dad cringed when remembering the cold, the damp, the fact he was always sick, the outhouse, the taunts of his classmates, the smell of the stove. he made it through the movie. barely. then at the end told me that mccourt's family claims he made most of it up.

the irish are notorious for telling tall tales. i'm sure that some of what i have just typed is incorrect due to time, flawed memories and the details getting skewed when stories are told over and over again through time and generations. i'm sure not all of what mccourt put down on paper was historically accurate, but he told a damn good story!

rest in peace mister mccourt. my world was better for having you in it.

i guess this is growing up...

welcome to the world l.m.j!!!


everything changes but change itself.-j.f.k

vampires! werewolves! shapshifters! oh my!

confession: i have read (and enjoyed) every book in the "twilight" series.

yes, i realize that as a 30 year old female living in nyc, working an "adult" job, i should be immune to such nonsense.
i liken it to still loving my favorite 80's movies from childhood.
"twilight" made me nostalgic for that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling that is the first flush of romance.

yesterday on the J train a girl reading one of the sookie stackhouse books sat down next to a girl reading "new moon".
chuckled to myself.
then realized that one of the two girls was my friend alexis!

dyslexia.

summer of '96.

domestic goddess:

one thing i never had the patience for was cooking.

my stepdad is a classically trained chef. my mom is an amazing baker. my irish grandma never used measurements, so even when i was a senior in high school and exhibited some interest in learning her recipes, she never used one.

once i became vegetarian i really had no incentive to learn from bob, (my stepdad), since his food is meat-centric. he learned to cook in the south and does a ton of soul food. which is modified when i am eating it. greens cooked without neckbones, etc.

yesterday, while actually using my kitchen for something more than heating stuff up, all the knife skills that my stepdad had forced me to watch started to come back to me. i may master this cooking thing yet...


thanks giada! (via food network)

1 pound frozen peas, thawed
8 ounces sun-dried tomatoes, drained (about 3/4 cup)
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
4 heads endive, ends trimmed and leaves separated
Directions
Combine the peas, sun-dried tomatoes, and garlic in a food processor. Pulse the machine until the peas and tomatoes are finely chopped. Add the olive oil and pulse until the olive oil is incorporated and the mixture is minced but not yet pureed. Transfer to a small bowl and stir in the salt and pepper.

i found a way.

Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita
mi ritrovai per una selva oscura,
ché la diritta via era smarrita.

Ahi quanto a dir qual era è cosa dura
esta selva selvaggia e aspra e forte
che nel pensier rinova la paura!-d.d.a.

you know you're PMSing when...

when a screening at work that includes the trailer for "where the wild things are" movie makes you tear up.

when you start fights with 5 people within a 12 hour timeframe. (luckily none at work...)

when you eat not one, but two, of your emergency chocolates stashed in your desk. (RIP box of maison du chocolat!)

i had the good sense to impose myself to exile last night. as much as i did want to see "reality bites" outdoors, i wanted to fight with my friends less!

dirty 30.

today is my roomie's 30th birthday.

a year ago we didn't even know each other. now i can't imagine not being friends with her.

i had to undergo a rigorous interview process. that basically consisted of me falling head over heels in love with her dog.

our other roommate i'd known for years, but didn't hang out with very much, sadly.

they didn't want a girl roommate. and they didn't want "a ginger". both qualities which i possess. i can be very convincing when i want to be...

sometimes people come into your life at just the right time. not to be trite or corny, but living in my apt has taught me how to be fun again.

post script...


A bird came down the walk:
He did not know I saw;
He bit an angle-worm in halves
And ate the fellow, raw.

And then he drank a dew
From a convenient grass,
And then hopped sidewise to the wall
To let a beetle pass.

He glanced with rapid eyes
That hurried all abroad,--
They looked like frightened beads, I thought;
He stirred his velvet head

Like one in danger; cautious,
I offered him a crumb,
And he unrolled his feathers
And rowed him softer home

Than oars divide the ocean,
Too silver for a seam,
Or butterflies, off banks of noon,
Leap, splashless, as they swim.-e.e.d.

this one is for j.b.s.
happy dirty thirty girl!
love always,
xoxo mjm

"don't you know now is the perfect time..."

my first record (vinyl) was thriller.
at some point a relative bought me a michael jackson doll when i was little. it had one glove.

while i wasn't a huge fan of anything besides his early stuff, i can respect what he did for the african american community. despite everything that he was accused of later in life, he was an amazing musician. a consummate entertainer.

look at what happens to most child celebrities. everyone from drew barrymore to the kids from "different strokes". you become a breadwinner early in life, your parents see you as their meal ticket, childhood is lost. i feel really sorry for him. in watching that big documentary years back i just got the feeling that he was still so very much this little lost boy who needed a hug.

when i found out he had died i walked into my kitchen and announced to my roommate "this one's for my dead homie!" and poured out some of the corona i was drinking in the sink.

RIP MJ
xoxo mjm

"we can make it right hit the city lights..."

***just watch the fireworks***

boston 4th of july.
illegal fireworks from NH.
strawberry/blueberry/cool whip/funfetti american flag cake.
walking the yorkies down by the charles.
more dunkin donuts iced coffee than i have ever consumed in one weekend.
veggie sausages.
sing-a-longs with erika while driving around the city in her car.
bottlerockets on the roof of a practice space in allston.
charles river boston pops show.
punk rock basement show/DIY bbq, followed by west roxbury beerpong/marine homecoming/reg bbq.





here you can be anything
and I think that scares you

the purge.

reading through this blog of mine
i am struck by how much i put out there
when, for years, for self-preservation,
i kept it all in

saw the above artwork at my sister's friend's senior art show
SVA
another friend, of mine, of my sister's,
was looking at the exhibit with me
commented on how he thought this was
god
(GOD)
(God)
creation

that was the obvious interpretation
one that 90% of people probably would have had

but
of course
i didn't see it that way

reading through all this
that piece stuck out in my head
the purge
of everything that was held in
all of it
coming out

spoke to a writer i know
explained how i maybe wanted to go back to school
for writing
or english

things that i never majored in because...
because that was what i was good at
excelled at

science...
that was work!
a challenge
chem professor that laughed
when i told him my major would be environmental science

streams of consciousness
that scared me
was i having a breakdown?
or a breakthrough?

i'd write and write
then read it in a day
a week
a month

you could hand me a printout
i'd deny in a court of law
that i'd written it

writer i know said it's the same for him

was always jealous
of musician friends
of artist friends
of people who knew exactly what they wanted to do

mine was always a process of elimination
can't do that
don't want to do this
bored by that
shouldn't try this

it doesn't help being your own worst critic either

always proving myself
is tiring
i'm done







if you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
if you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
but make allowance for their doubting too; . . .
if you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
and treat those two impostors just the same . . .
yours is the Earth and everything that's in it-j.r.k.

i'm shipping up to boston

boston bound 4th of july.
to say my goodbyes to my dc girl who leaves soon for hawaii!
happy/sad

holy hangover batman!

i face the future with a drink in my right
eyes to the sparkling gloom...

if it keeps on rainin'...

don't it make you feel bad?
when you're tryin to find your way home?
you don't know which way to go?

after avoiding my past...
tonight i reunite with it.
years and years in the making.
totally surreal.
a plane lands from tx in ny.
no idea what to expect.

then syracuse tomorrow.
"this is your life!"

"year of the rat"

Expansive and conservative forces collide. This might create unwanted stress on Monday. Tuesday supports a fresh start. If you've wanted to make a change, this is the time to do your homework. Be realistic. Are you financially able to accomplish your plans? A passionate person may bring unexpected drama midweek. Job and family interests are only part of the picture. Focus on health concerns later this week. Are you getting enough sleep? Say yes to friends this weekend.

drama?
can i please just hide under the covers?!?
ten bucks this is about my mom's surprise party. me starting WWIII between her siblings over if my gram should attend or not...

sleep?
no, i don't sleep, i dream...

hummingbirds are winding down...

first day of summer.
father's day.
added a bit of color to my life.

summer: phase I complete...

this conversation is ending, starting right now...

tomorrow is father's day. and the summer soulstice. since i'm getting tattooed early on, i'm writing this now so i won't forget or get sidetracked or whatever...

came back from my trip to ireland feeling like a different person. mellowed out. refocused.

my cousin shane, who's 36 and married with an 18 month old baby and another on the way, was sitting and talking to me about life. after i played football with him and his friends on a weeknight at 10 pm. sun was still up. glass of spanish wine in my hand. havianas on my feet. jeans. hoodie. no dressing up in ireland unless you're some lass tarted up going out to the pub to find yourself a man. (in words my dad would use.)

shane is the one i can hang with more than all the rest of my cousins in ireland. we like the same music. he's really into education, reading. (as a teacher and coach, he should be!) surfs. has travelled the world.

sometimes someone says a thing to you. just some really basic truth. but since you've never heard those words in that certain way, it resonates with you more than if they had launched into a whole explanation of why they think this way.

shane says to me: "life is as simple or as complex as you make it."

not really rocket science, i know. but usually i need a good kick in the ass. someone to tell me to shut the fuck up. to be patient. to think with my head and not go with my gut.

i'm really strong. independent. stubborn. just like my dad.

on this father's day eve, i'm very thankful that he's taught me everything he has, both in deeds and in words.

a couple of my good friends have lost their dads. my sister has lost her mom.

never know if it's ok to bring these people up. am so thankful that i have my dad still. but i know that on the day that i don't, no matter how far in the future that day is, he always lives on in my heart and my brain.

tomorrow i'm getting tattooed. hummingbirds. double meaning. it's from the last cd of one of my favorite bands, knapsack. my grandpa also used to make hummingbird feeders and hang them outside their home in rural madison county, ny. during the time when i was going through my teen angst bullshit, my grandpa, (mom's dad), served as my dad.

grandpa stanton was as old school as you can get. he was raised one of eleven children on a farm in madison county. his dad owned a farm and was also the high school principal. held all his kids to a really high standard of achievement. grandpa took a few classes in agriculture at the local college, but really liked to work with his hands. became a carpenter and a total DIY guy. changed his own oil, rebuilt cars, fixed anything that broke, built me a swing that was the best present that a little 4 year old inner-city kid could ever get!

rex was the only one to yell at me when i got my first tattoo at 18. but somehow this one i don't think he'll mind. i'm having my friend steve who's doing it hide my grandparents initials in the design. was never into "dad" and "mom" tattoos. not going to cover myself with names like some norman rockwell painting.

grandma will see it next weekend when i'm home for my mom's surprise 50th birthday that i still need to finish planning. she'll just shake her head and say my name with that inflection reserved for ladies born in 1920 who have no filter...

happy father's day for tomorrow to all my guy friends with kids!

post script...
this one is for mike. and my "other dad" bob.
RIP jack morgan & rex stanton. real men. class acts.

The black telephone's off at the root,
The voices just can't worm through. -s.h.p.

bulwark.

A Sagittarius born on November 26 is achievement-oriented and likes to do things their way. They can use practical means to bring about seemingly impractical goals. They seem hotheaded and stubborn; this doesn't come from ego but from innocent self-confidence. They believe their way is the best way.

November 26 natives are self-disciplined and centered. Practical in romantic matters, they don't really enjoy playing the field once they've set their sights on a potential mate. Unlike most Sagittarians, they are happy to settle down and start a family.

People born on this date are the bulwark of their family

Their goal is ultimate wisdom.

November 26 people would rather struggle than have things come easily.

They have emotional toughness and feel that only through hard work can they regard themselves as successful. Despite their common-sense attitude, they don't necessarily strive to achieve practical goals. They're just as likely to wish for the impossible. The only difference is their ability to accomplish it.

last thursday:

wake up super early.
put contacts into eyes which want to reject them.
forcefeed myself oatmeal that olive or paul has made.
decide how to layer for dublin weather that could rain/hail/be sunny/be windy.
get dropped off at train station in ennis.
get on train to limerick.
every car is taken up by a school trip. (freckle faced irish children chattering is the cutest, but not before i've had coffee.)
ipod dies after 30 mins. (forgot my charger cause i packed while drinking the night before i left.)
switch trains at limerick for dublin.
all the announcements are in irish first, then english. (this was not the case in 1998.)
watch the cows, horses, green fields, rolling hills, all the stuff that makes ireland "the emerald isle" fly past my train window.
wander around for 6 hours in dublin, getting lost, people watching, taking photos, playing tourist.
got lost on way to jameson plant and ended up in a dodgy area on a hill above the courts. gave up and skipped it.

8.3.09

single serving movie.

my in-flight movie was "he's just not that into you". there were some funny moments. it was pretty trite, but most women under the age of 25 need to be reminded that they are indeed programmed by society to feel the emotions they feel in regards to marriage and commitment.

basically take equal parts "singles" and "high fidelity", add in a dash of "love actually", stir...and you have "he's just not that into you"!

"singles" t shirt scene with "i was just nowhere near your house" is a direct parallel to pen scene.
bridget fonda does neurotic in a way hotter, more convincing package than ginnifer goodwin.
and with period clothes which will always stand the test of time!

the one great thing that was verbalized in the movie was the need to cut down on the ways in which we communicate. people say a lot every day without saying anything that matters.

recently i was having a conversation via text messaging that was, to me at least, too important to carry on via texting. so what did i do? i called the person i was typing to.

lately too many people are surprised by an actual phone call instead of a text or a response to a twitter or a comment on a facebook post. highly educated individuals tend to dumb themselves down these days for mass consumption.

you just never know.

american skin.

you don't realize just how american you are until you leave. am constantly reminded of this fact.

on one hand i wish i had another week or month here, on the other i can't wait to get home...

as we're told.

sitting at my cousins' in ennis. drinking vodka in front of a fire. listening to the boss.

today was lowkey. got kidnapped by margaret and tony after my 10 mile hike along the cliffs of moher. they live outside of ennis 'in the country'. no walking back to olive's, my homebase, from there! since they made the executive decision last visit that, for the safety of myself and the residents of town, i am NOT allowed to rent a car, i remain at the mercy of the fam for rides around.

the cliffs are where 'the princess bride' was filmed. my favorite place in the world. (not that i've seen much of the world thusfar...) want my ashes to be scattered off these cliffs when i die.

hike was with a walking group. we crisscrossed through public and private lands. saw butterflies and wildflowers. the beauty of the ocean and the steep cliffs always takes my breath away. you realize just how insignificant you are in the grand scheme of things. how old these cliffs are and how short your life is.

said to someone recently that i was sick of being in control of the decisions in my own life. this week has handed the controls over to my many cousins. life has been planned for me. i just show up where i'm supposed to be and speak up if i'm absolutely opposed to what is going on.

for the first time in a long time i'm listening instead of talking. focusing. one thing at a time. not bothered by a constant barrage of information. taking it slow. enjoying being disconnected.

day 3 of my new life.

yesterday went with rosie to lahinch beach. looked into surfing lessons. today shane told me that they are a waste of time, since he has his wife's old wetsuit, a board i can use and 15 years surfing experience.

shane's proctoring leaving exams that got screwed up. kids got given the wrong test. in ireland colleges pick you at the end of your secondary school based on tests, instead of you picking where you'd like to go. our cousin didn't get into the music program she wanted, so she took a year off to work and take classes part-time.

today is a hang out by myself day, which i'm fine with. everyone has errands, plans, etc. i'm headed to the shops in town in a few. see if the de valera museum is open. send some post cards. take photos. go to the friary.

slept like a rock again last night. didn't go out on a friday night. instead olive and paul and jameson and leonard cohen and this band called the sawdoctors who are a mashup between REM and traditional irish music. then some natalie merchant and paul's advice on life in general and careers in ny in particular. (they lived in queens for years before moving back here after olive's mom/my great aunt died.)

the third time seems to be the charm for me! this trip is easier, more fun, more relaxed than the previous two. not sure if it's my age, state of mind or a combination of those.

off to roam around ennis and the river fergus...

forget everything you know.

facebook thinks i'm trying to hack myself right now.
my cousin rosie is waiting for me in her car waiting to drive me to my great aunt's grave, then the beach, while listening to rhianna on clare radio.
on clare radio they interrupt the top 40 songs to announce deaths. so goth. rosie turns it up to see who she knows. she could run for mayor of ennis. between herself and her husband, who's a postmaster, they know EVERYONE!
last night i go to see my cousin natalie do open mic night. she's got an amazing voice, jealous cause mine sounds like a drowning cat. she covers garbage, dressed in a manner that i would've been dressed on my first visit to the homeland in 1999. baggy jeans, trainers, tank top.
rosie is now coming up the steps, impatient. i have heard "jesus mary and joseph! exlaimed at least 10x today. 5 fecks.
now i'm getting yelled at....

beach! graves! hooray!

i am going, i am going...

Jun 4
Partly Cloudy
70°
50°
0%

Jun 5
PM Light Rain
63°
45°

Jun 6
PM Light Rain
55°
45°
60%

Jun 7
Partly Cloudy
59°
46°
20%

Jun 8
Cloudy
60°
46°
20%

Jun 9
Showers
62°
48°
60%

Jun 10
Scattered Showers
63°
50°
30%

Jun 11

Partly Cloudy
63°
50°
20%

63°F
Fri
Jun 12

Partly Cloudy
63°
50°
10%

"any which way the wind may be blowing
i am going i am going
where streams of whiskey are flowing..."

superstitions in travel.

get a text last night from my sister. she's flying to paris. waiting for the cabin to be closed. the size of her plane is making her nervous. she hates flying. i've been in planes way more than she has. wish i was next to her to calm her down.

remember a trip to louisville for a big fest. "krazyfest". my traveling partner had the worst flying anxiety. for whatever reason i can have a calming effect when i want to. let her clutch my hand til there is no circulation left in my fingers. she curls up into an almost fetal position, or as fetal as you can get while belted into an airline seat. the flight's only about an hour. my friend didn't take drugs, like she normally did. i rub her back and say soothing things for the duration of the flight.

my first flight was in my uncle's biplane. both my mom's brothers were pilots. the oldest had his pilot's license before his driver's license. going up in this antique plane that uncle jimmy restored with his own hands made me pretty much fearless when it comes to flying.

don't get me wrong i have no illusion that i'm indestructible, but whatever happens happens. i'm not a control freak, like most people who have panic attacks when flying. statistically, there are way better odds of me dying in a cab in ny than on a flight across the atlantic ocean.

first commercial flight was cross country and as turbulent as they come. thunderstorm, oxygen masks dropped at one point. my grandma morgan was with me, going to see the irish/portugese cousins in tacoma. gram had been back and forth to ireland a ton, to australia, israel and a ton of other places. by some stroke of bad luck, our seats weren't even together. as all this chaos is happening in flight, she's talking to me from behind me. my sixth grade self trusted that if she said everything was going to be ok, it would be.

the first time i touched down in ireland on that first trip i remember seeing all the green that i'd heard about for my entire life. immediately thinking of grandma and wishing i was with her instead of my then boyfriend.

twelve hours til takeoff...

"perhaps the ship on the label reminds people of travel
and who doesn't like to travel?"-jameson ad on subway





horoscope: "it is really a question of letting go of the old completely, so that the new can enter your life."

vacation, all i ever wanted...

vacation had to get away...

jinx PROOFED!

(rabbit rabbit)

operation.

a fight that she never wins...

ball and chain!

e & me. 

erika's sick boy. forever now. 

bleacher bar. boston. 

otto's shrunken head. ny. 

congrats to my favorite boston couple who just got engaged in dc! 

seriously so excited for them. 

it's rare when you've known someone so long,

 (since she was 15 and i was her boss), 

and you end up liking their significant other as much as you like your friend. 

these two have put up with so much bullshit from me over the past year. 

so have all my friends, 

but matt and erika have had the pleasure of seeing me at my highest and lowest, 

even when the highs and lows happened in the same day. 

tearing up at my desk so this ends now.