on gossamer wings.

it is possible
to be as tough as nails
and as fragile as gossamer
all at once

this is me
right now.

beginning. end. happy. sad. nervous. excited.

Next I pull the dream off
and slam into the cement wall
of the clumsy calendar
I live in,
my life,
and its hauled up
notebooks. -sexton

after 4 years toiling away for a promotion that never came i finally got a new job.
sad to say goodbye to my coworker friends.
those people i spend more hours with than my friend friends. more hours than my family. more hours than my ex.
happy to have a new challenge, next phase, jump start.
nervous to not know how to read people, not know the people who radiate energy from the people who drain it.
my first impressions are so often wrong.

27 to start.
31 to end.
so much life in between.

january is:
my anniversary of moving to ny.
the first month of the year.
a time for "new beginnings".
when my friend's dad died.
a job offer.
a resignation.
my cousin's engagement to be married.
another tooth yanked. percoset weekend to numb the pain. hopefully all of them.



knowing a woman who was at times more of a mom to me than my own mother is slowly fading away. resigned to the disease that will claim her life while her grandson is about to be born.

decade of decadence.

me and my old dc crew when i was 21.

people keep doing "best of decade" album lists.
here's my stab at one courtesy of itunes play count...

alkaline trio "crimson": didn't even pay any attention to this band til maybe 4 years ago. as with most things that i hear a ton of "hype" regarding, i'd written them off. went to see them live with a friend who didn't have someone to go with. they won me over.

brand new "the devil and god are raging inside me": met the band before they had a demo through one of my oldest friends. saw them play to maybe 30 people at a community center in my hometown, then years later to a packed house at madison square garden. this album was years in the making. to me it was worth the wait.

to be continued...

my standard break from life.

spent my birthday/thanksgiving on oahu.
happy birthday today to my girl erika, who made that trip possible!

this time last year...

i haven't written on this thing in a long, long, long time.

10 days before i turn 31.
3 days before i fly to hawaii to see erika and matt.

last year i had a party at a tiki bar.
this year i'll be drinking REAL tiki drinks in hawaii!
photos will follow...

happy birthday to my favorite guy!

happy birthday daddy!
xoxo mjm

as young as i am old

last week i saw:
depeche mode
josh english
gameface (insanely good! covered jawbreaker's "ache")
errortype:11 (wished i could rewind to 1999 brownie's show, when life was simpler.)
doomriders

can't remember the last time i watched that many bands in a week.

wasn't going to go to saturday's show. was afraid to see ex "friends". but my boy mark had driven down with two people from buffalo for the show. hung out with them before doors opened. figured if i hung with them i could just ignore the idiotic people who would inevitably be at the show. decided at the last minute that i would bite the bullet and go see two of my favorite bands, gameface and errortype:11, reunite.

my fears about people being petty weren't unfounded.

at 30+ years old one would think adults would at least say hi to someone they hung out with for years, but i guess that's asking too much...

people need to grow the fuck up.

that being said i am completely proud of myself that i faced my fears and went. show was definitely worth the awkwardness.

after all these years i am still in awe of my friend arthur shepherd. he hugged me and said that he was glad to see me and that was all that mattered. and you know what? it was.