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i've always lived more inside my head than my family, my friends. only child syndrome. my parents are very demonstrative of their love. and always have been. when i was younger i was painfully shy. 

no one would've known it because i was also a little ham. photographer dad. mugging for the camera, putting on a show. but maybe because my dad was always shooting pictures, i became acutely aware of how i was perceived. two sets of grandparents and one set of parents always watching me. first grandchild for the irish side/first granddaughter for the american side. people hanging on your every word makes your word choice paramount.  

then i got involved in a subculture that i didn't really understand for the first couple years. so i just sat back and observed when i was at shows, hanging out with friends. many of the times i was around people might not even remember. wasn't the loudmouth that i can be now.

my sister finally called me out on it a few years ago. my behavior. my former lack of affection. her friends are very, very affectionate. i grew up with dudes and in the punk scene, so it wasn't until i started coming to visit ny/li and everyone was hugging and kissing goodbyes and hellos that i got into that mode. still weirds me out with people i've met once or twice, but i deal. 

it's funny, cause i'm maybe even overly affectionate in a relationship. not like those couples on the train, where the girl is obviously insecure and clinging to her guy. or the guys who at the bar smother their girl to mark their territory. a middle ground.  

my whole philosophy on relationships, as well as friendships, family bonds, is that you should be able to go away, travel, do your own thing, whatever...and when you come back together both of you are better for the voyage. 

the person who went away learned something, had life experience. the person who stayed home got to spend quality time with themselves. (a shocking concept in this twitter, email, text message age of communication overload!) things are new again. absence makes the heart grow fonder and all those clichés. 

you're better off believing everything you heard was true

-a.b.l.