insomniac.

at least if i'm sleeping in fits and starts,
if and when i do see the sunrise,
i'm in a room with a view.

upload photos from my 30th birthday two days before my half birthday.
hate hate hate that my birthday is in november!
was always envious of my friends who had birthday pool parties, picnics, bbq's.
mine gets lost in the thanksgiving shuffle.
this year it is ON thanksgiving.
which requires a trip to the 315. i guess.

last year i sat in a car all day on my birthday.
home for thanksgiving for the first time since i'd moved to ny.
taryn and kevin and taryn's aunt and me in t's volkswagon.
they take 17 up. i never do.

maybe i'll stay in new york this year.
have a thanksgiving like two years ago.
me and rachel at spring street natural.
organic turkey. tofurkey. prosecco. sick desserts.
followed by "darjeeling limited".
crowded union square theater.
plot for us to take a vacation to india. which never materialized.
rachel doesn't even have a passport.
have to get on her about that. again.
she wasn't even born in this country!

on 5.26 i will ask karen to bake me cupcakes.
and toast to making it through the past half year.
not just surviving, but thriving.
no one realized how strong i was, least of all me.
lost a ton of weight. attitude adjustment. new lust for life.
streamlined in every sense of the word.
daddy will call and leave a corny message.
(how many dads call on half birthdays? he kind of rules...)

on 6.26 i will return to the scene of the crime.
mom turns 50.
all my friends parents' are older, not necessarily wiser.
mom is same age as morrissey, robert smith, madonna.
she's freaking out about the big five-oh.
doubt she'll ever leave syracuse.
but she did get out of rural madison county!
told her that she shouldn't freak out.
despite her hatred of her job. hatred of the cuse...
she did one thing really well in life.
she was my mom. raised me right.

i'm planning a surprise party for her.
shhhhh! don't tell!

"one can live for years sometimes without living at all,
and then all life comes crowding into one single hour."
-(keats and yates are on your side) but wilde is on mine