guidance counselor.

my high school guidance counselor hated me. she really loved me, but she hated that i would come in and say things like "ok, so if i want to be a rapper when i grow up...what classes do i take in college?" then would literally make her go through all the classes i would need and steps i would need to take for that career path.

do you think anyone who is a guidance counselor sat down with theirs in high school and decided that job was their goal? doubtful.

the valedictorian of my high school never left central new york. she married the first guy she dated. she lives in a little town outside of ithaca, where she went to college. 

my friend gabe was second in our class. he went to RIT and then all over the middle east. now he's back in syracuse. married with a kid on the way. 

not that there is anything wrong with staying close to home. some people are made to leave and never come back, some never do. 

syracuse is like a black hole that sucks you in and rarely spits you out. the fact that i escaped after going back at 21 still floors me. 

the only reason i did leave is because i decided spur of the moment. my friend needed a roommate. asked me to move to astoria. i said no way. this was december. 

i had a job where i was the boss and made my own schedule. a car to escape to wherever when the urge came. wasn't paying any rent. so all my money was basically monopoly money to spend on whatever. 

was "dating" someone but it wasn't serious and the future was never talked about/planned/addressed in any way, shape or form. had close friends in syracuse and most of my family. could pop over to my mom's and watch jeopardy or sit with my dad and talk about some show on the history channel. get drinks with my party girl cousins. hang at one of my many married friends' houses if i wanted to live that life. knew half the bartenders downtown. big fish, small pond. 

so why did i leave? i still don't know. dc gave me a taste for city life that could never be quenched in syracuse or the surrounding areas. i was miserable in the winter. not living up to what i and everyone else thought i could/should be. 

called my friend back two days after he asked me to live with him. asked if the room was still empty. it was. then took his address to mail a check. put in my 2 weeks notice at work. rented a uhaul. bought my sister a one way ticket from ny back to syracuse so she could drive down with me. 

worked up until 6 pm the night before i moved. met my ex for drinks to say goodbye and tell him to move on with his life. (he did.) packed all my stuff at 8 am, my dad still in disbelief until i brought him to get the moving truck with me. 

drove down on january 5th, in the snow. my sister sitting shotgun. by the time i got to queens the snow had turned to rain and it was warm enough to take off my jacket. my sign i'd arrived...

postscript...

still can't believe i've never seen this band. top of to do list. 

"my little girl

drive anywhere

do what you want

i don't care

tonight

i'm in the hands of fate

i hand myself

over on a plate

now

oh little girl

there are times when i feel

i'd rather not be

the one behind the wheel 

come

pull my strings

watch me move

i do anything

please

sweet little girl

i prefer 

you behind me wheel

and me the passenger

drive

i'm yours to keep

do what you want

i'm gong cheap

tonight

you're behind the wheel

tonight"