slippery slope.

you're trying to hold it together for so long for so many people in your life, putting yourself in last place, there comes a point in time when you have to be selfish, have your own fun, put yourself first, live a little before the next phase of life (hopefully?) kicks in. being the "parent", being the concerned older sister, being the life coach, all of that grows tiresome. 

i've been the anchor for too many people in my life. 

now i'm letting my own boat coast along the surface of life and see where the current takes me. 

pretty much everyone gets it. that i may or may not be where i say i will be for the first time in forever. quick to change my course and do what i want to on a whim. 

oh i'll still show up to work and appointments on time. but everything else is subject to change.

-mjm  

for b.g.b.

for warning me against evil forces.

we're "even". no gold star necessary. 

post script...

guess i was "straight edge" because life was pretty free of stress from 17 to 22. and regardless of what has happened as of late, i have remarkable will power. when i put my mind to something, there's no stopping me...

"this is the way i get

when i'm unhappy with myself

i feel my mistakes

pounding into my head

lying to my conscience

believing i was misled.

there's things i've learned

since time's passed on

still i hurt

when will regret be gone?

gone are the days 

of feeling good within my soul

and i'll gain self-respect 

by gaining self-control.

why do i do the wrong thing

over and over again?

when it seems the outcome

never makes any sense

i've got a feeling that i can beat this game

then i won't have to feel the shame."