you find out a lot about yourself when everything is in chaos.
how deep you can dig to find strength.
your limits.
how far you have to be pushed before breaking.
that you are, in essence, unbreakable.
maybe your body can break, but your spirit can't.
you can bruise and cut and batter yourself,
not intentionally of course,
but you soldier on.
that's me.
my auto-pilot kicks in.
i do things as if watching from above.
asking, wondering...
"who is this girl?"
"who is this woman?"
stronger than i ever thought.
tougher than ever before.
tapping into a pool of resources that i never knew existed.
when the chaos swirls around me
i don't curl up into the fetal position and want to die.
i want to live. more than ever before.
the coma has lifted.
the cobwebs have been brushed from my eyes.
stagnation is done.
i'm ready to take it all on.
knowing full well that i may lose.
but i've lost so much before
that i'm ready to risk it all.
always.
for j.e.m.
you are truly outrageous.
truly truly truly outrageous.
"i am tomorrow, or some future day, what i establish today.
i am today what i established yesterday or some previous day."-j.a.a.j.
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