i don't know.
for the first time, in 3 years of her living here, i ran into my sister in the city. after boxing. in union square. statistically really unlikely since she lives in the bronx and usually goes out uptown or in the west village. we were walking toward each other. she was dressed up for dinner out. i was a sweaty, red-faced mess from training. i stand almost a foot taller than her. people are really confused about if we are related or not when they see us together. different, but the same.
even though she's technically my half-sister, we've always had this weird ESP where i'll pick up the phone to call her and it'll ring from her number. or vice versa.
even rachel, eternal pessimist and atheist, believes that if you think about someone enough who you haven't seen, they will cross your path.
it's worked for me in the past. and on a super low day when i was wandering around the upper east side i ended up running into an old friend who made everything a bit better.
i flip to a page with a number that is meaningful to me in a well-loved book while organizing my shelves:
"when you are young, you always expect that the world is going to end. and then you get older and the wold still chugs along and you are forced to re-evaluate your stance on the apocalypse as well as your own relationship to time and death. you realize that the world will indeed continue, with or without you, and the pictures you see in your head. so you try to understand the pictures instead."-d.c.
one of my journals. dated 3.13.2000:
"i feel as if change is on the horizon. good things are in store....after 21 years, i'm finally getting comfortable in this skin. college kids used to scare me. "grown ups" used to intimidate me. now practically no one does."
(3.5.2000 was the dc breakup date.)
post script...
"days are shorter
nights are colder
feeling like life is over
these snakes strike like a cobra..."
No comments:
Post a Comment