verbatim.

11.16.07 journal entry:

"10 days til the beginning of the end of my 20's. 

what if tonight were my last night alive? what would i want to do? who would miss me the most? how would i be remembered? what have i actually done that's impacted anything in a positive way? do i serve a purpose? do i have the capacity to change? would i even want to???

of course i'm not living up to all the potential everyone made me believe i had when i was growing up. 

i definitely still have the capacity to change. change is hard but change is good. if my parents can change at their ages and after spending the entirety of their adult lives in the cocoon that is syracuse, then anyone can change. 

it's easy to get comfortable, but part of something in me, if by nature or by nurture, gets itchy and antsy and craves change every few years..."

-mjm

post script...

"there are fingerprints, 

subtle hints,

there are things you cannot choose.

i can see forever all these things,

they are obvious to me." 

for my two favorite singers. 

both have the initials B.S. 

hilarious, right? 

hours later---fell asleep watching "120 minutes" on mtv2. wake up to the sundays. the next video is the talking heads. 

"here's where the story ends" into "and you may ask yourself-well how did i get here?" two bands, two songs, that i've been listening to all the time. tons of the videos on this show are by one hit wonders or pseudo-goth bands i am completely unfamiliar with. 

i'm wide awake.